Geoff (thesnakey) wrote,

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More Ramblings...

Eh, nine days or so since my last update and yet I haven't really had a great deal happen to me in the last while. I could talk about all the things I've done, but alas, I've done little, either in life or in my writings. The 'things' are boring as shit since nothing ever changes around here. As disturbing as this sounds, it's accurate beyond what most people can imagine.

Think, if you will, about a town of around 850 people. It's a little town, in the middle of Alberta, quite literally in the centre of no where. Surrounded by wheat fields, pseudo-forests and feed lots with hundreds or thousands of cattle, this is what the scenery is like here on the prairies. Do I lament the fact that I grew up in this? Not really, because if I hadn't, I'm sure I would have found something besides computers to keep me entertained, thereby having completely eradicated my being online nowadays. This is something that I would have distinctly regretted because I have met a great deal of my friends online, most of the people whom I care a great deal about in fact. I digress though.

See, in the 23 years that I have been alive, this town has not changed in the least. I'm being quite serious. Everything is exactly the same as it was 23 years ago. I remember all these things from when I was about 8 years old and, according to my parents, this was true even from the day I was born. Few people have moved here, even fewer have moved away. All the same businesses run by all the same people in the same fashion. What's even stranger is that nobody really looks any older, while the younger folks are definitely starting to show their age. All the ones who graduated and stuck around, never amounting to very much. It's a wonder and makes me question if it's like this with other people's hometowns, whether they just don't recognize it while its happening or what. Either way, it seems pretty bloody strange to me.

My hopes had been that things would be more productive here for me, but unfortunately, this has been far from accurate. My days seem to be spent more often in a steady state of exhaustion that never quite seems to go away. This could be me, something I'm doing or eating...or not eating enough for that matter, but it doesn't seem to be that really. I feel good somedays, not so good in others, but I've always got this inclination to write, yet I honestly can't seem to bring myself to actually do so. I could, I'm not blocked at all, and I have all the ideas in my head (in fact, I seem to be gaining more by the day thanks to my evil muse that is trying to overload my brain). Perhaps that IS the problem though, I'm overloaded and pulled in so many directions that I just end up getting nowhere. If this is the case, then I need to start focusing more or I'll just end up with more problems. The other thing I can think of is a residual burnout leftover from school.

During the second semester, I was worrying enough to nearly get ulcers. This is a problem I have unfortunately...something that I can't easily defeat. I'm the type of individual who obsessively worries about things even when its completely and utterly irrational. I've been making progress, but things like this have a nasty habit of coming back just when you least expect it. To say 'damn my mind' might be accurate considering. Who doesn't have a few mental twinges or problems, but most of the time they don't affect anyone enough to actually be worth taking the time to consider. I think that's my goal and I've been doing decently well with that. Just have to continue as best I can I suppose.

As of this moment, I have well over 20 ideas now that I wish to turn into novels. This is well and good, save for the fact that they are pulling me in many directions, ideas for characters, ideas, plotlines, the whole works. I dunno what to think right now, as my mind is in a jumble and I've had a perpetual headache for two days now. In that vein, I think I shall hold my tongue and go relax for a while. I realize this was little more than ranting about my creative block and the way this town sucks, but they can't all sound like pseudo-philosophical, nihilistic, existentialist ranting. My apologies. ;)

Headaches suck so very much,
-The Snakey

EDIT: It's also of some note (to some anyways) that will no longer exist as of June 1st, 2004. I have presently placed a splash page up on it and have deleted pretty much everything off of it (web page and stories specifically). All of my emails from it are now gone, so if anyone has any reason to email me, please feel free to look at the Info section of his LiveJournal for my email. It's been a pleasure and I hope that you enjoyed my stories while they were up.

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