It's been a long while since I've posted last, I don't really remember how long. I just know that it's been quite a while now. Perhaps two weeks or so, because I know I posted right before my finals last. I could check easily enough, but, I don't want to right now, since I'm actually writing this offline.
Offline, meaning that I'm back home now at my parent's place. Back stuck on a modem again, 56k once more from the cable modem. I'm having LPB withdrawal but what can ya do eh? I'll get used to it again and I'll be getting back on high speed by the time I get back to the dorms in August. Until then though, I'm going to see what I can do about relaxing since I'm at home now. I'm actually able to sleep beyond like 8 or 9 am for a change. It's rather nice overall. Four months off, whatever shall I do with my time? I've got a good idea or two, I just have to get motivated to do things again. Unfortunately, I'm still in school mode, which in itself is a problem in that I still feel burnt out. I get up in the morning and my first thought is, "What if I'm late for class?" I should know better by now, since I'm not even sleeping in the dorms, but a full school year will change your method of thinking, to say the least. I'm just glad that there is no class to go to right now, because I don't think I would survive it if there were. I was torched by the end of finals, completely and utterly. My mind barely functioned and I could hardly even think. It was tough, because of my class choices, but I survived.
Four English classes in one semester. Let me tell you that that was the single dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire life. Literally, the single dumbest. I don't think I can even comprehend doing something like this again. I thought that I would be able to handle it, but unfortunately, it didn't quite work out that way. In actual fact, these classes will constitute my worst marks since arriving at college two years prior. Unfortunately, this was also one of the most important semesters for getting into my third year, which is university, so I guess I'll see what happens. I know that not all of my courses went as well as thought, and some went better than thought. It's hard to tell really, but I guess I've got a couple more days until the marks are settled and in. I'm just praying that things will be okay. I really don't need to have to make up an entire semester or two because of my own stupidity. Patience has not been one of my virtues lately unfortunately, it's just not something that I've been able to keep very well. It's getting better now that school is over, but unfortunately, it's just not working right. I'm tired, sick and am finally starting to recover from the sheer amount of burn out I was having to deal with. This is, by far, the least fun I've ever had in school to date, because of my own bad choices. It's live and learn, always, but it always hurts when you go through and something less reversible happens because of it. I guess it's like my parents said, "You're not going to disappoint us, so as long as you're trying your hardest, then it's all good. Just do what you can." I was somewhat surprised by this reaction, but I must say that I seriously underestimated them. I expected more disappointment, yet there was none. Looks like I've got more to learn than I figured.
I'm moved home now though, as I said, so I'm back at my parent's place in the middle of nowhere. I actually managed to get a job interview as well, surprisingly enough. This is something that I didn't expect in the least because this town is literally about 850 people total. There is jack shit here, most of the population working at the local power plant (which is where the interview was held). If I do manage to get the job, that's about 40 hours a week, Monday through Friday, until August. I was pretty pleased by this, to say the least, though I have to admit that I'm hoping my sister gets the job instead of me (she also tried for it). If she does, then I can relax for most of the summer and be able to work on my personal projects instead of just working the whole time. That's lazy thinking, I know, but at this point I really just don't care. If I get it, great. If not, fine as well. Either way, it'll be benefiting me. I think I did pretty well in it overall, because they were nodding their approval quite a bit. I don't have a clue what'll happen though. I'm pretty certain that if I don't get the job, then it'll be someone else who is better qualified. I think I have a good shot at it though.
I have to admit that, lately, things have changed for me. In real life, I've been eating more and different stuff and being around online less, actually participating in more activities. I've also been going outside more often than not, which is very odd for me as many of you would know. I'll admit fully that all the outside fresh air I used to get was when I was taking walks after dark. I went weeks with the only sun I saw being through the occasional window at the school. Now, the sun is up, I'm going outside and taking walks. It's the strangest thing, to say the least. Well, maybe strange for those addicted to online as I am, but strangely normal for those who see me in real life (parents, etc). Online, as well, things have been far different. Most of my old haunts haven't had the same luster to them as they once did and I haven't gone to some of them in months. I don't know whether to think this is because of something newfound within me or that it just doesn't have the spark that it once did for me. It could be either really, I don't really know, but I just realize that I've been hanging around them less and contemplating more on things like my personal projects. My projects have, admittedly, suffered over the last while (as far back as the last two or three years even), and I haven't been giving them the attention that they deserve. This is my fault obviously and is something that I've been doing my best to remedy. Unfortunately, due to the burn out that I'm still feeling, the writing has been slow.
One of the big things lately has been just that, my writings. I've been getting more and more ideas, my muse continuing to try and kill me. I'm up to over twenty ideas that I want to make into novels eventually, with a multitude of others that I want to make either into fan novels for my favourite backgrounds or short stories that I'd like to produce and, perhaps, send to magazines (with any luck). I know that my writing is still there, I know that I'm not even blocked, but I do know that my burn out is contributing to not writing right now. I'm hoping that it'll be gone soon enough and I can really buckle down and start producing fast. If I can do that, then I should be able to produce a couple novels in the span of this summer. Hell, I can still write about 2000 words an hour when I'm going average speed, so I'm thinking that a novel wouldn't be too far out of reach. With any luck, that'll clear up and in the next while I can do some more.
It's odd to think that things have changed like they have in my life. Later in 2003 things really turned around on me. Instead of pinning myself down with only a few things, I've literally opened up my options to just about anything and everything that I want to do. I feel rather free and open now (despite the burn out), as though I could move worlds. It's the strangest feeling, though I have to wonder how many others have felt that same way?
Unfortunately, I won't have anywhere to post my future works as of mid to the end of May, since my page will be going down. I've not got the money to keep it up, so it has to go really. I need the money for school and food right now, so I'll have to see what I can do about getting a hold of some web space somewhere with a friend or a free place until I can get a hold of some more cash for another domain and hosting. I'm not real upset about it or anything though, as it'll give me time to completely redo my page as well.
Well, despite the fact that there is more to say, I think I'll leave this post as it stands, since it's grown to be this long as it stands. I wish all of you a good day (whoever actually read to the end of this) and I hope that you feel good during your summer!
Well, it's about 9 pm on the 28th right now and I just received all of my marks from my teachers (finally). It turns out that I did better than I originally anticipated, which thrills me to no end. I never thought I'd be happy getting C's in two of my classes, but when comparing them to the fact that I worked my ass off and still believed that I was going to fail, I'm pretty happy with that, to say the least. Turns out my GPA for the semester was pretty low, but overall, I'll be doing about 2.9 going into the third year, which is actual university. This is going to be a challenge, to say the least, but I'm still moving with the lowest mark overall being a C, something that I can be fairly happy with. I think that'll still give me a ranking of good standing, considering that still puts me in the B/B- range overall. Woo! I got an A- in Sociology, and in my English courses a B-, a C+, and two Cs. Not the greatest marks, but I was stupid and took FOUR English classes at once. Never again will I do something so utterly retarded. That's it for now! Later!